Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Randomize
