i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
