hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
