it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
