at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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