the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
