I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
