Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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