I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
