so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
