the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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