2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wish my penis had an off switch
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
