Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
