I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
