Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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