come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I had to cum in my sink.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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