I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
