We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
