Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
