If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
