i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
