Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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