don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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