She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Shame - the story of my life.
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