If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
