I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You know, be my cock's hype man.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
