Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
