Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
