Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
