We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
