I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
