Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
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