hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
