he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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