Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
