I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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