She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
