Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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