I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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