I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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