That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
