that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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