i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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