Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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