life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
