what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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