ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
