You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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