oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I have demons in me.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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