guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
