i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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