They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
