I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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