I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
