Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
