Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Shame is for Republicans.
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