I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize