also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
