You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just gift wrapped bread.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
