Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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