i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
