I think I am morally bankrupt
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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