Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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