the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
