the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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