i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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