Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
