my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
