my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
